Drinking Fountains and Sewer Caps

Growing Pains

2011-06-08T11:11:00.000-07:00

Two things happened yesterday: 1. Pablo and I turned 3 years old, and 2. Levi slept from 9:30pm-5:30am (something he has done only a couple other times). Both of these things got me in a very sentimental mood and thinking about growing up.

For Levi, the growth is very tangible. I already miss his newborn cry, and the itty bitty diapers that were still too big for him when we brought him home from the hospital. I miss the different faces he made when he was asleep at the very beginning (don’t get me wrong, watching him sleep now is one of the most peaceful sights in life, but the change is very noticeable to me). And how about the fact that he has more than doubled in size! And while I am mourning the loss of these things and how my son is growing up so quickly, I know that before long he will outgrow his bouncy seat, or the baby bathtub, or will no longer need to wear clothing with snaps, or will no longer need me to nurse him (I think this day will truly break my heart). I know that as he grows, I will delight in every new development that each stage brings (like him discovering his hands, or learning to talk, or learning to draw), but with each new stage will there always be this sense of loss associated with the one he has just grown out of?

Similarly, Pablo and I have grown significantly in the last 3 years. Some of the signs of growth are more tangible than others: we no longer live in a studio apartment with no interior walls; we have moved all the way across the country and have begun to build a life here in the Midwest; we have a son – something that I never planned on having! But the real areas of change are far less tangible, and those are the areas of growth where the stretching has been most painful: learning how to fight fair (those first 6 months we did not fight fair!); figuring out how to communicate about sensitive things like how we both have hopes and dreams and they can’t always co-exist at the same time; sex – that’s a biggie; believing that God is on our side and is our Provider; figuring out what it means to have a job that is ministry and encroaches on our personal space, time, and finances; figuring out what aspects of each other’s culture we are going to make a part of our own culture, and what aspects we are choosing to eliminate…

The last 3 years, as well as the last 3 months (Levi turned 3 months old this past week), have been a time of intense refinement – sometimes more painful than others – but I guess it can just be summed up as growing pains. But, like missing Levi’s newborn cry even though I love the new stage of being able to make him laugh, I miss our studio apartment even though I love our house and all that it contains.

2011-05-17T07:52:00.000-07:00

Cityscape

2011-05-05T13:58:00.000-07:00

well, i finally did it...

last summer pablo and i took a spontaneous roadtrip to michigan one sunday and spent the day exploring. one of the highlights of the day was when we stumbled upon an open-air antique store on the side of a road. outside in the grass i found these awesome bricks that were actually made out of cork! we bough 11 of them and i knew exactly what i was going to do with.

as many of you know, life soon got every hectic and doing art went on the back burner. well, that was until last weekend when i finally completed the piece (thanks to some friends who helped hold various pieces as i went).

my i present my cityscape:

i love it!

and, while i am at it, i might as well upload 2 photos of my ridiculous kid. :)

Update

2011-04-19T14:29:00.000-07:00

Hello Friends,

Well, I guess it is time for me to re-enter the world bit by bit, and today that means updating this blog.

Levi is 7 weeks old today, and the time as utterly just flown by. I go back to work in 2 weeks, and am not looking forward to it. I am so in love this beautiful boy that the desire of my heart is to just stay home, be his mom, be a wife, and work on my artwork. No such luck though.

In the last 7 weeks:
* we have had a steady flow of family members, which has been both a huge help but also a little stressful at times.
* Levi is now a completely different baby. He has put on 3 lbs, and is just about the most adorable porker ever.
* Levi follows objects with his eyes, is beginning to use his arms more intentionally (although he has not yet discovered that they actually belong to him), smiles all the time, interacts with people's facial expressions, and coo's and ahh's in response to prompting from Pablo and I. He is incredibly smart -- we know it! :)

As for me, I have committed to next summer setting up a booth at some summer arts and crafts fesitvals and selling things I have created. That means that I have 1 year to build up an inventory of a couple of products that I have come up with and am super excited about. Granted, as I have researched what it will take to make 1 of these ideas, it is definitely not as easy as I had thought, so there are some obstacles in my future that will need to be tackled, but as of right now, I am super excited about the possibility of selling things that I have created. I think it is a great goal for myself.

Well, that is about all that I have time/energy to do for now. I know that it is a little bland, but now that you are caught up, I will most likely post shorter but more interesting updates about the day-to-day happenings.

I know that Pablo and others have flooded facebook with an obnoxious number of photos of our son, but below are some of my favorites that I have had the pleasure of snapping with my phone.

Here he is sleeping with his Papa at only 2 weeks oldThe proud parents:

Here he is starting to smile -- don't worry, it is way cuter now, complete with a dimple on the right cheek, but I haven't caught it in a photo yet. Thanks to Luz for the onesie :)

Poor guy is starting to loose his hair... :) he's still pretty cute though.

I know this is kind of a random photo, but it shows you that while he does weigh 10 lbs and is already wearing his 3 month clothes, he is still so freaking tiny!!

More to come soon enough.
Anna

2011-01-27T11:55:00.000-08:00

So... it has been forever since i have posted anything... i know... i know... but the truth is, i am so overwhelmed.

i cannot believe that i am going to be a mom in 3 weeks (or whenever he decides to arrive). i mean, this is, in some ways, bigger of an event than me getting married. i mean, it is so permanent -- i am going to give birth to someone, and he's not going anywhere. not that pablo is going anywhere either, but it just feels bigger. it's hard to put words to.

i'm struggling again with the fact that i don't like kids. i have been around some in the last couple of months and i just do not have an affinity towards them. i am sure that when i look at our little one my whole world will change and my not loving or liking him will be out of the question, but it is still a fear that i currently have been thinking about.

i'm overwhelmed by all the things that still need to get done before he arrives -- i mean, he's arriving even if everything is done or not, but i'm affraid that i'm not prepared at all.

i woke up 2 mornings ago and thought, "man, i cannot wait til i can go a whole night without getting up at least 3 times to pee"... then it occurred to me, "oh yah, the only way that is happening is if i have this baby, and then it will be years before i get to sleep through a whole night... i guess i have it ok right now." but seriously, sleeping is getting really hard, and my body has begun to hurts. and it makes me feel like a wuss.

you guys, i'm going to be a mom. he is going to fully depend on me. how did these 9 months fly by? i thought, by this time, i would be more mentally or emotionally prepared, but i feel like i'm back to square one.

don't get me wrong, i am excited about having a baby, i just cannot wrap my mind around how dramatically things are going to change. i mean, the other day pablo and i were hanging out alone together because a couple people we had asked to hang out with couldn't do it. at first i was lonely and upset, and then i just looked at him and said, "we won't ever get to just be together like this again." i mean, i am pregnant (sidenote: am reaching weights that i NEVER thought i would ever get to!!), and there is no other way for it to end, other than for me to have a baby in my arms in a matter of weeks.

ok, so this post sounds extremely depressing and not what a soon-to-be-mom should be writing, but hey, you all love me right? and you love me inspite of me being raw and vulnerable, right? i sure hope so. i mean, that's kind of what i am counting on...

so, to draw this to a close, i guess i would just ask that you would be praying for me, pablo and this baby. i am reading the book, "crazy love" by francis chan (who is my other love, aside from pablo, buffalo wings and coffee ice cream right now), and it is rocking my world. i feel so stressed about life and francis chan's words are really convicting me. please pray that during this time, and the time to come, that i would feel and experience the LORD's presence in some rock-my-world kind of ways. also, again this is a bit of vulnerability, please pray that the LORD would be faithful to provide for us financially -- some things have happened in the last week with our finances that have put some significant stress/strain on pablo and i, and i am feeling like the hits just keep coming and that the LORD has forgotten to provide for us. so, if you can pray for those, we would be immensely blessed.

ok, well, thank you for letting me spill my ugly guts to you.
i love each of you, and i cannot wait to see each of you, whenever you are able to make it out here after the arrival of my son!

Wonderful Gift

2010-11-23T07:40:00.000-08:00

So, here is a little story for you guys, many of whom have never heard this part of the Bean's history.

At the beginning of July of this year my father and sister Sara came to visit Pablo and me. They stayed for about 4 days. The couple months before they came for their visit was a somewhat difficult time for Pablo and I -- we moved into our house and were pretty overwhelmed by all the work that we wanted to do on it, as well as it was a hot summer and Pablo's allergies were in full swing... anyways, it was a little bit of a tense time.

Anyways, one day I took my dad and sister to one of my favorite parts of Chicago, Wicker Park, and we walked around and went into shops, one being my favorite vintage store, Lenny and Me. While in Lenny and Me I came upon the most beautiful (although completely dilapidated) old fashion bassinet and I said, "I don't want kids ever, but if I had a bassinet like this, I might just want to get pregnant to put the baby in it." Needless to say my dad pulled out his phone and started taking photos of it saying, "well if this gets me a grandchild down the road, I'll make it for you."

Well, as the story unfolded, 2 days later I took a pregnancy test (actually I took 2), and sure enough, I was pregnant. (Side note: many of you know that at this point I was about 8 weeks pregnant, and that during the previous 2 months Pablo and I had fought more than our entire 2 years of marriage about if we would have children ever -- me being on the side of no. And sure enough, it was God's little secret that I was already pregnant!).

Anyways, we waited a couple more weeks before revealing the news to the family, and when we did finally tell my dad I made a joke that he needed to get working on that bassinet.

Well, sure enough, he did get working on it. My dad learned (well, he already "knew", but he definitely perfected his skill) how to weld, and set forth the task of welding The Bean's first bed. Needless to say, it is a work of art. He has done an amazing job, and this weekend it is coming to our home! Below is a photo of it that he sent me this morning. I start crying when I see it. It is so beautiful. And, oh man! The road that God has taken me/us on since that first weekend in July on the floor of our bathroom... This has been a wonderful beginning to what will most-assuredly be a wild ride.

weeks 22-24

2010-11-09T06:36:00.000-08:00

Hello Hello!

Well the website that I have been referencing to find out the information on how our little baby is growing in comparison to produce really threw me for a loop the other week -- once you reach 22 weeks they only go by month, not week, for updates. I guess that is understandable given that basically everything is formed, now it just needs to gain a little more girth, if you will.

Anyways, I do have an updated for weeks 22-24 (we are currently 1/2 way through our 25th week): Supposedly this month, Month 5, Bean is the size of a papaya. This may very well be, but again, the selection of papaya at my grocery store leaves me to wonder... I mean, look at the size of the thing in the photo! It dwarfs my belly! And, my belly is getting big (more on this in a min).

Ok, so aside from being the size of a "papaya", here is what the Little One has been up to: The baby can now hear outside noise!! Can you believe it?!! (we bought some really good headphones so that when I am sitting and just reading or something the baby can be listening to Mozart and becoming a genius!) Also, nipples have sprouted!! I love it! I love that my baby has nipples right now! Also, that adorable little face that I will get to see in a couple months (holy crap! it's right around the corner!!) is fully formed. And one last thing, the Bean is now snoozing up to 14 hours a day -- which makes sense b/c before I could feel the baby move around every few hours, and now, not so much. But, we are starting to figure out the baby's sleep cycle, and it looks like we have a night owl (Pablo is already asking how we can change this :) ) -- between 7:30 and 8pm it is like a party in there! AND, the baby is getting big enough that you can see my actual belly move sometimes when there is big kick (of course, this is nothing compared to what is to come, but it's still a pretty big development). The baby is supposed to be between 10.5-11.8 in. long and 12.7-20.8 oz.... :)

On a couple of other notes, I am now officially looking for cute pregnancy clothes that are reasonably priced. Well, I should clarify that, I am shopping for tops (thanks to my sister sara, and the emptying of her closet into multiple care packages, I have several pairs of pants that I wear constantly and that fit my ever-expanding hips perfectly). My belly, while it is still on the small time (people are constantly reminding me of this and how I haven't even begun to experience The Belly), is already getting in the way -- bending over, putting on my shoes, getting in out of the car (this is the worst so far), all these things are becoming more and more difficult. In addition, the number of trips I take to the bathroom is becoming comical to the men at my work, as well as my husband.

We only have 3 more weeks in our Bradley Birth class (this class has been amazing! If you are planning on doing a natural child birth in the future, I DEFINITELY recommend this class while you are pregnant), and have begun to work on our Birth Plan, relaxation techniques, and birthing positions that will enable the baby to better "engage in my pelvis"... it is all very intense and overwhelming stuff, I assure you, but I am feeling more and more confident about it, especially with Pablo being so supportive.

Ok, well I think that is more than enough for a "brief" update on the growing family here in Chicago, IL. Love you all!

My Husband Cracks Me UP!!!

2010-10-29T07:05:00.000-07:00

so, i'm at work (i work in a small office with all men, and it is very quite all the time), and i see there is an email from my husband to his family with this as the subject line "Who can make the ugliest face? Let's keep sending some to each other...."

so, i scroll down through his dad and his sister's reply and find these photos attached...

needless to say i burst out laughin in my very quite, full of men, office....

makes me also wonder the purpose of these so called "office hours" my husband is supposedly doing every day.... :)

i love my man and how he makes me laugh!

Banana Photo

2010-10-19T08:13:00.000-07:00

Here is the banana photo (clearly we are talking about how long the baby is now)...

Also, with regards to people's comments on the hair: I am starting to feel fat (I know, I know, I'M PREGNANT), and since retail therapy is pretty much not an option I decided to chop the hair since it would give me a much-needed change. While the straight hair looks great and is beyond simple (it literally take me about 3 min to get it ready once i'm out of the shower), the curly hair (which takes a whopping 7 min. longer to get ready) is much much cuter... Thank you to Pablo for being so understanding and being ok with me chopping off my hair. :)

week 20 & 21

2010-10-18T09:40:00.000-07:00

OK, so again, I am a week behind (I will update both week 20 and 21 today), but I also come with more updates, not just baby-centered.

Week 20: Cantaloupe!!!

Holy Crap! clearly from the photo below I do not think that I have a cantaloupe-sized baby in my uterus!! But then again, both my stomach and my bladder are shrinking considerably, so the space is filling up with something... And here is what The Bean was up to during that week: Bean's digestive system is busy creating meconium (a tarry black substance made of swallowed amniotic fluid, digestive secretion and dead cells), which will fill the first diaper after birth. And, the baby's genitals are now FULLY formed!!! The Bean is appx. 6.5 in long and 10.6 oz. crazy huh? doesn't sound like much but I have seen what 10 cm dilation looks like, and that is serious business... clearly The Bean bulks up later on in the pregnancy to necessitate such a large opening to squeeze through.

Pablo has been able to feel The Bean kick a couple times, which is still so cool and new to us both!

Week 21: Banana!

The Bean is now appx. 10.5 in long, weighing 12.7oz (where they come up with this weight measurement, really beats me). Here is what has happened this past week: The Bean has been downing amniotic fluid every day, both for hydration and nutrition and to practice swallowing and digesting. And, these days, those taste buds actually work! Like I said before, I have heard that babies like the foods that their mothers eat while they are inside, so it will be interesting to see what The Bean's faves are when born. :) Sadly, I do not have the photo to upload for the banana, but I will do it tomorrow.

Here are some photos from our ultrasound as well...

can you believe these!!!!

Along with growing a baby, Pablo and I have been very busy that last few weekends trying to get our house fully ready for the baby. Here are some things (not too exciting, so keep your expectations low) that we have documented (we have done a lot that we have not documented, so don't think we have been lazy!):

1. Pablo installed a dog door for the girls yesterday -- this is wonderful! it took the girls some getting used to, but chicken and rice treats really do a wonder with training. :)

2. yesterday I painted the red stripes on one of The Bean's walls. The ceiling will have black and white checkers, and the other 3 walls will be dark grey. I am SUPER excited about how the room is coming together!

3. we bought beds for the girls (they have been sleeping in our room lately -- I was sick and tired of having their huge crates in our living room for them to sleep every night -- originally on just spare blankets, but we decided to upgrade). we brought the beds in and put one on the couch (where both girls like to hang out sometimes) and immediately Laila hopped up in one and hung out in it the rest of the day. it was a little ridiculous, but at least it has been a hit! :) You can see the dark grey walls in the background -- we painted 3 walls in our living room last weekend (once I have put up the artwork this week I will post what the whole room looks like -- so far in my head it will be AMAZING!!).

Week 19: Mango!!

2010-10-11T12:19:00.000-07:00

Well, according to my weekly update, The Bean wasn’t incredibly active this week in any new exciting development. I mean, the baby is now covered in vernix (a white substance made of baby hair, oil and dead skin cells) which protects it from the amniotic fluid, but other than that, they didn’t tell me anything more exciting. But, The Bean is now the size of a mango – and my belly is definitely popped out now (no more beer belly for anna). (please excuse Laila's crazy eyes in this photo)...

I can give you some other, not technically developmental, updates on how Baby Bean and I are doing/growing…
1. I am definitely feeling the baby move all over the place. Typically around 3:30pm or so is when the most movement happens. Pablo was even able to feel a kick (or punch) on Saturday evening as we were watching TV. It was very cool.
2. My belly is big. This weekend we started painting the baby’s room and I was sitting on the floor doing the baseboards and my boobs literally rest on my belly and i started to sweat there – this is something completely foreign to me.
3. A couple weekends ago Pablo and I went and did our baby registry – thank goodness Gillian Lawson (baby extraordinaire) went with us. I swear, when we walked in to Babies R Us, I literally was like “what the heck is all this sh*t?!” Had she not come, Pablo and I would have not only had nothing on our registry, but we would have gotten into a gigantic fight, I just know it. But, both of these things were averted. Not only did we register for the things that we needed, we learned about things we had no idea to ask for i.e.: a rectal thermometer. It ended up being a great time and got me really excited about doing the baby’s room. Pablo’s parents already went on the register and bought us our car seat (which was delivered last week), so we have a car set in our house… this is for real folks!
4. Pablo and I went and watched the move “Life as We Know It” (if you haven’t heard of it go to you tube and watch a trailer), it was hysterical! We both laughed really hard throughout the film, but when we left I was in tears because I feel so unprepared. I guess it’s a good thing that we still have just over 4 months to prepare of this little baby. :)

Well, I think that is about a good an update as any. Pablo and I have been working very very hard the last couple of weekends to get things on our house “to do” list done (we painted both the living room and the dinner room as well as started on the baby room)… so I will be putting up photos of those – that is, as soon as we take them… :/
If you choose to pray for us, please pray for us and that God would just allow us to have more time together, both to do things on the house, but also to just be together and to nurture our relationship and prepare for the arrival of this baby. Life has become quite overwhelming and stressful and it’s so easy to just sit in front of the TV instead of investing in one another. We would definitely appreciate it.

Love to all of you!

Week 18 photo

2010-10-04T07:29:00.000-07:00

Alright, so it's a couple days late (I don't get on the internet during the weekend) but here is the picture from last week, week 18.

A couple of notes: 1. yes, we took the photo in the middle of the grocery store (I didn't want to buy just one russet potato, and I already had my menu for the week planned out) -- thus, it's not the best picture of the belly to produce ration. 2. the week was supposed to be a sweet potato, but the sweet potatoes at our local produce shop must have been on steroids because they were about as big as my head -- and no way is Baby Bean that big -- thus, we had to imporvise.

All that said, here is week 18:

Growing Growing Growing!!!

2010-09-28T06:54:00.000-07:00

Alright, I have a confession to make -- I screwed up how many weeks along I am! Already, making mistakes, not a good sign. Basically somewhere I skipped a week, so, we are going to skip on of the produce photos and just combine the developmental facts into one photo... So, with that said, a week an a half ago, week 16/17 the baby was the size of an Avocado!

And here's what Baby Bean was doing during that time:

Bean's ears are forming and can now pick up my voice!!! Can you believe it?!! The Bean has also already begun growing eyebrows and lashes, and even forming taste buds! (I hear that babies tend to like what their mother's eat while they are pregnant -- if this is true, The Bean will be partial to blueberry bagels, vanilla yogurt, asperagus, neopolitan ice cream, and green bell peppers, among other things :) ). In addition, Bean's skeleton is hardening, changing from rubbery cartilage to bone, and fat is finally accumulating around it. The umbilical cord is getting thicker and stronger, and those little fingers and toes are now topped by one-of-a-kind prints. Already, fingerprints!! Can you believe it?!!

We just finished week 18, and the Bean was the size of a sweet potato (still one of my favorite foods) -- the photo will be posted after we take it tonight. But, here is what The Bean did last week: Bean has become extremely mobile, passing the hours yawning, hiccuping, rolling, twisting, kicking, punching, sucking and swallowing. Supposedly the baby's finally big enough for me to begin feeling the movements soon -- there have been a couple of times when I have said, "Hmm, that was an interesting feeling -- was that you, Bean, or was that just gas?") So, I cannot confirm or deny if I have, in fact, felt the baby move yet, but I'm sure I will some day soon!!

And, in 2 days we get to find out if we are having a boy or a girl, I am almost beside myself with anticipation!!!

Wonderful Weekend

2010-09-21T06:54:00.000-07:00

The past couple of weeks have been very very stressfull at work for me -- we are getting audited by the SEC (which is kind of like the IRS for what we do). Anyways, my main jobi s making sure that our records and our procedures are compliant with federal regulations -- a pretty easy task, that is until I have pull it all together and make sure that all the wholes are filled and everything is perfect because these guys have the power to shut us down. Thus, the last couple of weeks have been quite stressful preparing for this week when the auditors are in our office.

So, that laid the groundwork for this weekend. Friday I took off early after I had done all I could for the audit (at this point my brain had literally shut down and would not work any more). I ran some errands and then finished getting my house ready for a very special guest who was coming in later that night.

At 8:30pm that evening I picked my dad up from the airport. :)

We had a wonderful weekend. Saturday we went to the Museum of Science and Industry (thanks to the Chicago Public Library, we were able to check out free passes for each of us, so we only paid for the special exhibits that we wanted to see). This museum is AMAZING!! we did 2 special exhibits: 1. we toured a captured German U-Boat -- that was really really cool (it was especially cool to hear my dad whisper little facts here and there that the tour guide didn't know/include. it's great having a dad who knows so much about so many things :) ). 2. we watched an IMAX about the universe from photographs taken by the Huble Space Station (we got to see stars being born, the death of stars, millions of galaxies, etc. it was beyond amazing). God really is beyond comprehension.

Next, we went to get Chicago Deep Dish pizza at Lou Malnatti's then we went home. When we got home, my dad installed a light in my kitchen that I asked him to make frmo scratch (i will post a photo later), and then we watched a movie.

Sunday we went to church, ran some errands, drove to the subburbs to check out a vintage fair, and then came home a tackeled a few projects I wanted to get taken care of (like, fixing a hinge on my closet door, hanging some branches on my dining room wall, replacing all the brass knobs in our kitchen with the champagne corks I have been preparing for a few weeks, and some other random things).

The weekend was a wonderful weekend. It was definitely way too short, if you ask me. My dad blesses us so much when he comes to visit. Not only is he one of my favorite people in the world and I love getting to spend time with him, but (and it's pretty selfish to say maybe) it's pretty great that his love language is acts of service. While I didn't have him doing major projects this time, the fact that he helped us make the house pretty and more like a home, really made my feel incredibly loved. And, it's so wonderful to watch him and Pablo interact and watch how my dad enjoys teaching Pablo how to do some of the handyman things.

All in all, it was the perfect way to end 2 weeks of stress, and to relax me enough to head into this week with the auditors.

Week 14 and 15

2010-09-14T07:48:00.001-07:00

Dang!! I am so sorry for not posting the update of Baby Bean the last couple of weeks -- let me tell you, the last couple weeks have been so busy and very stressful. But of course, no excuse. Thanks to several of you who have been staying on top of me, here are the updates.

Week 14: Baby Bean is the size of a lemon!!

This week The Bean started sucking his/her thumb (so stinking cute to think about!! but already i'm worried that based on his/her parent's luck with braces, this is a habit that we will have to break ASAP to avoid a similar outcome, if possible, for the little guy!) and wiggling his/her toes. again, I repeat, so stinking cute!! In addition, The Bean's kidneys, liver, and spleen are continuing to develop. And, the baby grew hair for warmth is week! (this is not the type of hair that he/she will come out with. he/she will loose it while still in the womb).

As for me, during this week I can with out a doubt say that I am already falling head-over-heels in love with the life growing in my belly. I am actually getting really really excited (aliebit terrified) to by a mom.

As for weird things happening with me -- during week 14 my belly button was no longer centered (don't worry, as The Bean grew during week 15, the the button straightened out again). Also, my pants began to get very tight this week.

Week 15: Baby Bean is the size of a Orange!!

Can you believe how The Bean is growing!! This week The Bean is getting to be more porportionate: the legs are finally longer than the arms! way to go Bean -- keep them legs growing like Mama's!!! (but, be kind to her tummy when you are "readjusting"/trying out for the World Cup). Speaking of kicking (while I have not felt the baby kick yet) all 4 joints are working and he/she is supposedly wiggling and squirming away. I can't wait to feel that first little inner nudge. It's supposed to happen any week.

As for me, during week 15, the pants I was able to wear at all diminished to 2 pairs thus, I went shopping and bought a couple that were 2 sizes bigger! My belly isn't incredibly big, nor will it realyl affect my pants waist I think, but my hips have started opening up which is where the bigger pants have come in. It's difficult to find the right pair though b/c while my hips are wider, and I have a little belly, I'm still the skinny Anna which makes for difficult pant shopping.

In addition, Pablo and I went to our first birth class last night (we are doing the Bradley Method). I left feeling pretty overwhelmed, but very excited about all the prep-work we will do during this next 12-week class. In addition to information and prep about the birth and how Pablo will be my coach, I am also learning the stretches/exercises that will help my body prep for the whole ordeal, as well as how to practice relaxing different parts of my body. It's all veyr informative.

Pablo and I have begun to discus the Baby's room, which I could not be more excited about!! We are also talking about me not going back to work 6 weeks after the baby is born (which was the original plan) but rather me staying home with the baby -- something I never EVER thought we would talk about/consider, but the fact is, I'm already in love. I can't imagine leaving this tiny beautiful daughter/son of mine only 6 weeks after meeting him/her. Man! how things have changed in my heart in the last couple of months. Yes, it may be hormones, but I think God made women get those hormones for a definite reason.

Anyways, I will try to post more regularly. Hopefully the next couple of weeks will calm down significantly.

Ps. we find out the sex of the baby on Sept. 30th (that is if he/she is cooperative) :)

Love you all!!

Week 13

2010-08-23T09:42:00.000-07:00

Well, we are on to week 13.
This week, Baby Bean is the size of a peach, and doing some amazing things!!

Baby Bean's own unique finger prints are now fully in place (unbelievable!!). Also, by this time the sex genitalia are fully formed and visible, but may still be difficult to see in a ultrasound. But, continuing with that vein of thought, if Baby Bean is a girl, she already has 2million eggs!! By the time she is born that number will decrease to 1million, and by the time she is 17 that number will decrease to about 200K, but that's still a lot of eggs if you ask me!

Also, during this 4th month, Baby Bean will triple in size and quadruple in weight!!! We are heading into the big growth spurts now.

Also, Baby Bean's vocal chords are fully formed. Which, led me to cry the other night when it occurred to me that when Baby Bean is born and cries for the first time, that might actually not be the first time he/she cries. I mean, he/she will more than likely cry while in my belly -- that thought breaks my heart. I'm doing the best I can to make sure that Baby Bean is safe, happy, and growing as healthy as possible -- I don't want him/her to cry, especially when I can't hear it to do anything about it. This thought totally broke my heart when it occurred to me. And, when I shared it to Pablo (not to put him in a bad light or anything), he being ultra-pragmatic and literal said, "Anna, crying requires air to move through the vocal chords, and right now the baby is no breathing air, but getting oxygen from the water in the womb"... My reaction to this was to spat back "while that is a total rational explanation, how the hell do you know?!"

Anyways, I have since accepted the fact that I'm doing the best that I can, and if Baby Bean is going to cry, then we will just have to deal with that when he/she comes out.

Hope you guys enjoy these updates!!

Also, i will soon be posting some updates that I have been checking off my list for the house (it is finally coming together little by little). So, stay tuned for those as well.

Official Annoucement

2010-08-20T09:26:00.001-07:00

Hello Friends!

Well, most, if not all, of you have heard the big news, but we are now making it officially public news...

Pablo and I are very much, 100%, no kidding around, pregnant! We are 13 weeks along (we found out 2 months into it).

As many of you know about me, I have never been crazy, or even sold on the idea of having children. In fact, ironically, the 2 months while we were unknowingly pregnant Pablo and I fought more about if we would ever have children (me being on the "let's not" side) than our entire last 2 years of marriage. So, needless to say, these few weeks have been a time of MAJOR adjustment.

I will tell you though, things are going very very well. We are growing steadly more and more excited about the arrival of Baby Bean (due Feb. 22, and named "Baby Bean" because when we discovered that we were pregnant, the baby was the size of a kidney bean). We heard the heartbeat last week which shattered my world almost -- still cannot fathom that I am sustaining a life, it makes my life that much more vital to maintain! -- but hearing the heart beating so fast in my belly, that sound has kept me a bit anchored in the reality that yes we are pregnant, no I am not just putting on a ridiculous amount of weight in my mid-section, and yes, in 9 months, I'm pussing a watermelon out of my very tiny body...

But serisouly, I think the most miraculous thing about being pregnant (aside from being nearly impossible to comprehend on a day-to-day basis) is that I have started to fall very much in love with this tiny life inside me. My world is shifting. My dreams have not changed, but they will definitely be delayed, and oddly enough, I'm more than ok with that. These are miraculous things to be coming out of my mouth friends -- afterall, I'm very selfish (another thing this baby is already teaching me -- stupidly I have gotten frustrated at it being inside me simply because its presence means no sushi, something I am NOT fond of at all!!).

So, without any further ado, I would like to introduce you to the newest Otaola in the making, week by week as we both grow! (sorry, I only have the last couple weeks of photographs on my computer at work, which is where I am, so that is all you get at the moment).

Week 11: Baby Bean is the size of a strawaberry -- this week the arm and leg joints began to form and work

Week 12: Baby Bean is the size of a lime -- this week (end of the first trimester) the Bean began to move his/her limbs (i didn't feel it though), his skin began to respond to touch!, her intestines that were previously in the umbilical chord (who knew!) began to move into the abnominal cavity, his eyelids began to grow and fuse together, she is swollowing, and he is pancrious is beginning to secrete urine which is released into the amniotic fluid! Baby Bean has been hard at work!!!

This week is Week 13 -- stay tuned this weekend for the newest picture and developmental updates!!

Love you guys!

Electric Bill

2010-08-18T14:52:00.001-07:00

The last couple of months our electric bill has been exorbidantly high and definitely was not helping our pocketbook at all. I started examining our bill because I didn't think we used significant more electricity in the last 2 months. Turns out that our bill was now being "estimated" not given an actual read. What normally is about $50-$70/month in the summer was $160 2 months ago and $120 last month. Anyways, I figured out how to read our meter myself and report the usage online... our bill is only $70 this month!

ridiculous! how much money are these compies making off of people who aren't paying any attention?!

Anyways, it may sound like a stupid thing to blog about, but that just made my day.

Best Sound Ever

2010-07-12T12:46:00.000-07:00

After almost 9 days of not being able to speak to Pablo (he was on a wilderness adventure in the Boundary Waters in Minnesota with some Young Life kids), he just called!!!

I don't think I have ever been so elated to see his face pop up on my phone caller ID, or to hear his voice on the opposite end of the phone.

I have missed him so incredibly much this week -- it has definitely been a pretty difficult few days to get through.

But, now he is heading back to Chicago (should get here in the middle of the night) and later this week we are heading for a brief vacation to San Francisco for my 25th birthday -- I could not be happier right now!

If only the next 12-14 hours (the amount of time it will take him to get here) would be over already!!!

ummm....

2010-07-09T13:18:00.000-07:00

my dog, paisley, had explosive diaherra last night....

enough said.

Kitchen Update

2010-06-18T09:37:00.000-07:00

Well, things are finally starting to get rolling again at our house (we have had a few bumps, maybe more like massive-potholes-that-have-caused-flat-tires-and-then-the-AAA-truck-was late-type of problems), and things are looking up.

Over the week before Memorial Day, Pablo and I went and picked out the 2 slabs that would be used for our granite countertops, they were fabricated, and today they delivered them!!!!

While I have not been at home to inspect them myself, I am VERY pleased with the photos that Pablo emailed to me. Here are a couple:

(I absolutely LOVE my stove -- it has the 5th center burner it is fabulous!!)

Anyways, I think they look great. Originally I was scarred that they might not look the best with white cabinets, but once we paint the walls, I think they will look great!

Since the counters have bits of red in them, I am planning on painted our walls a dark green with white trim... I am going make my own backsplash out of wine corks, as well as my own drawer pulls out of champange corks... And several other ideas that will make this kitchen my masterpiece.... I AM SOOOOO EXCITED!!!

Next up on the renovation list: get all the electrical wired and all the MASSIVE wholes in every wall in every room finally patched so that we can actually unpack and I can finally begin to make this house a *beautiful* home!

Oh man, I'm excited to get home tonight and unpack my kitchen into the cabinets (who would have thought that that type of thing would make my week?!!)

Anyone up for painting sometime?

4650 W. Montana Street

2010-05-03T08:17:00.000-07:00

Well, I have put this off long enough... i was wanting to wait and put up some cute photos announcing it, but alas, Pablo has not given the photos to me, and it has gone on too long.

All that to say, we are proud proud home owners (for about a month now in fact)!!!

I cannot tell you how much I am in love with our place. Yes, were without water for the first week of living there (luckily we still had access to our apartment -- so every morning i would have to hold my pee until we drove to the apartment to get ready... it was a hard week. let's just leave it at that). And yes, we have hit some pretty significant bumps, like the plumbing in our bathroom has caused us some trouble -- stories for another time -- and Pablo has had to quickly learn new skills such as plumbing. And yes, we lived off of microwave dinners and take out for about 3 weeks while we waited to buy a stove (all our big appliances were to be bough through our rehab loan -- we are doing some remodleing to the house and that is apart of our mortgage loan -- it's not nearly as complicated as it sounds. but getting the funding from the bank is!). But, now we have an AMAZING stove, the bathroom is at least functional, we have ordered our kitchen countertops, and our cabinets are being installed this week.

but let me back up a bit -- we bought a house on a quite corner. we have a double lot, which means that for city standards, we have a lot of land (yay for the dogs to have a big back yard!). It is a 3 bedroom, 1 bath house with a full basement. Pablo basically owns the basement -- one day it will be a great place for young life kids to hang out. I have my studio in the second floor. And we have a guest bedroom -- so there is plenty of space for you all to come and stay!

The highlight of living there so far (aside from discovering that there is a sewer cap actually on my property -- I swear, God must have just giggled to himself when setting that one! i mean seriously, the girl who loves sewer caps now owns one!!!) is when we torn up the disgusting brown carpet on the stairs and found BEAUTIFUL wood stairs underneath. Granted, there is a lot of paint and stain to be stripped off the wood, but they will be incedible when they are finished.

ok, so there is so much more i could write about being a home owner and how i go around and just hug a door jam or run my hand along a wall and say "i own you"... it is quite the feeling. but, i will leave you with that.

and i promise to upload photos of before and after of the place as it progresses.

ps. here is the address

4650 W. Montana Street
Chicago, IL 60639

Candles, Wine, Connection

2010-02-17T11:52:00.000-08:00

After a rather eventful few days (if you haven't heard via Pablo's constant Facebook updates and picture postings, Pablo and I put a bid on a wonderful house we are hoping to purchase!!!), Valentine's Day, and then my brother and his girlfriend staying at our house Monday night, it left very little time for Pablo and I to relax and just be.

Well, I have a wonderful husband. I got home last night to find the dishes in the sink clean, the house picked up, candles lit, and 1 glasses of wine sitting out on our coffee table (or trunk I should say). We spent the next hour or so just sitting and talking -- it was wonderful. I mean, I talk to Pablo more than I talk to anyone, but it had been a while since we had actually talked WITH each other, instead of just AT each other, if that makes sense... We connected, and it was wonderful!

And, to top it off, we found out that the seller of the house we bid on accepted our offer!!! so, we just have to hear back from the bank if they accept it as well... We should know by the end of the week if we are on the road to being proud homeowners... EEEEEE!!!

Shocking New Development

2010-02-04T14:32:00.000-08:00

I like coffee...

Did you guys hear that? I like coffee -- in fact, I drink at least 1 cup a day!! This shocks me! I have hated coffee, even when I worked at a coffee shop I hated it. And now, I like it! Partly because I make it taste like coffee ice cream (so some of you might scoff at the me and say I don't actually like coffee and this is only child's play), but also because it is warm -- and living in a cold place nowadays, makes me like hot coffee all the more.

Now, if only I could grow to like tea -- it still tastes to me like I am drinking water that tastes like grass.

Anyways, I know, it's nothing profoud, just an update on a way I have changed in the last few months.

I miss my husband

2010-01-21T07:06:00.000-08:00

As some of you know, my husband has been out of town for 2 weeks -- away on New Staff Training for Young Life. I have been gone from him (is that how you would word that statement? I don't know...) for 2 weeks -- when I was in Santa Barbara working in October -- but it felt nothing like this. Here are some reasons why I miss my husband so much:

1. making food for 1 person is really depressing (at least after being used to doing it for 2 people for a year and a half) and hard to do without wasting food
2. getting warm when I first get into bed is much harder
3. getting warm in the middle of the night is much harder
4. putting the last two factors together, that means I have put the heater up higher which means our gas bill will be higher
5. being a single parent sucks!!! Honestly, these girls are driving me crazy!!
6. The hour difference makes it really late for us to talk because when he is done with class or with playing in the ping pong competition or the basketball competition, I am already in bed which makes for some very quick and superficial conversations -- leaving me very unsatisfied!
7. I have to get up a good 20 to 25 min earlier because normally when Pablo is here, he takes care of taking the girls out to the bathroom, feeding them, and getting the car started to warm up, while I finish getting ready. Let me tell you, for those of you who know me, you know how I LOVE my sleep and how I am NOT a morning person, so this combination does not make me happy.
8. Curling up and watching TV before I go to bed just isn't as cozy and fun without him.

I know, I know, these all sound very superficial and selfish of me. I just really hate doing life without him like this. He is my favorite person to be around, and I love doing the daily meanial tasks with him.

I MISS HIM!!!!!!

Thank goodness he comes home tomorrow evening!

i'm not angry anymore!

2010-01-07T13:05:00.000-08:00

the last few months have been pretty challenging for me -- emotionall, metally, and definitely spiritually. basically i have been really really angry with God.

i have been angry about so many things, but biggest of all was that i didn't feel like God cared about me -- not only did i feel like He wasn't listening to my prayers, but that He had forgotten about me all together.

then, as you have read in an earlier post, I heard (and more importantly i believed what i heard) that He had heard my heart's cry(ies). and even though that was a wonderful and completely uplifting and reguvinating day for me, my abilty to say "i am no longer angry" came a couple weeks later.

as some of you know, i am doing 2 beth moore bible studies (one with my church and the other with my sister and friend via skype). both are very challenging, and i feel the stings of my heart being stretch as i press deeper into him.

during one of my quite times with the bible study on faith/believing, i was filled so full with the knowledge that the LORD loves me, that it led me to have tears streaming down my face, and left me bubbling over wanting to tell pablo and the girls i do the study with, and you guys all about it.

it came from a verse in Psalm 139:17 (the whole chapter is wonderful, but primarily v. 13-17)
"How precious are your thoughts about me,
O, God.
They are innumerable."

friends, this verse was meant for me. not only did i need to know that He hadn't forgotten about me, but His thoughts about me are, in fact, innumerable! can you imagine!!!

and then beth moore wrote these words, "God... bid your heart to beat. For many days He alone know you existed. You were His secret." i read each of the phrases one tiny word at a time, and then i read them over and over again. i couldn't read them enough. i just let them soak in until i was waterlogged with them!

friends, i have never felt more loved by the LORD. as corny as it may sound, i still walk around smiling and almost crying at the thought that He bid my heart to beat; that i was, and still am, His secret.

so, i can say that i am no longer angry. i mean, afterall, i am His secret.

Winter!!!

2009-12-22T09:12:00.000-08:00

I woke up this morning to it snowing -- I know that it has already snowed this winter, but nothing like this morning!

When I looked out my window, the roads hadn't even been driven on yet -- it was absolutely magical!

Driving to the Brown Line (the subway I take to work -- which isn't actually a subway b/c it is one of the few lines that is above ground in the city), I was constantly gasping at how beautiful the city looked with snow everywhere! It's like it gives the earth and trees and buildings natural highlights.

As corny as it may sound, I actually found myself saying that it gives new meaning to the song "Winter Wonderland" -- that is exactly how I felt this morning.

It finally feels like what I thought a snowy Christmas would feel/look like.

I will try to post some photos of it later -- and Pablo apparently filmed Paisley and Laila playing in it this moring, so I will try and figure out how to put that up here as well.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

Good Morning Anna!

2009-12-07T07:34:00.000-08:00

pablo got home from honduras last night, and it is sooo good to have him home. and as a welcome home/good morning gift, we woke up to a beautiful blanket of snow!!! it is absolutely magical. :)

and, on top of that, pablo let paisely come and say good morning in the bed this morning (something he never never allows), and it was wonderful!

i'm so glad he is home.

Waiting

2009-12-06T09:29:00.000-08:00

this morning i woke up and went to church, which, to be honest, was a miracle b/c i never go to church when pablo is gone, but today i went (partly b/c i didn't want to see that look he gives me when he asks, "did you go to church?"). anyways, i went to church. and i am so glad i did b/c the LORD met me there.

the worship was ok and the message was really good, but after the message is when i met GOD.

our pastor occasionally asks for people to come up and pray for those in the congregation who need it -- i never respond to this. sometimes i feel like it's a charade, other times i just don't want to get out of my seat, or for some other reason i don't get out of my seat. well, today he called up 4 people from the congregation that have the gift of prophetic prayer, and asked anyone from the congregation that wanted should come and have one of them pray for them. from that moment on my body was not my own.

my legs took me up to the front, and placed me in front of a man that i have not had the best first impression of, and he began to pray. friends, the first thing he said was "i am getting the feeling of waiting" and when he said this, i lost it. tears, that i had no idea were in the wings just started flowing -- i had zero control of them. and then he continued to pray how the LORD has heard my prayers, He has heard my heart, and soon He will answer them. when he said this, my shoulders just sagged out of sheer... relief i guess is the word. the man said so much more, but i can't really remember it all (even though i was thinking to myself 'remember this! remember this!').

i have felt such despair that the LORD has not been hearing the prayers of my heart, that He has not cared about me, that the answer to my prayer of 'when is it my turn to be alive' has gone completely and utterly unacknowledged. i have been feeling so alone, and forgotten by the LORD. and today He said He sees me, He has heard me, and He will answer me soon.

of course i am a little apprehensive of this word "soon" when it comes to the LORD -- we all know about how His definition for the word is not necessarily our own... but man does it feel good to know that He knows my heart, and that He cares about it.

so, i am continuing to wait on Him -- but with expectation now.

ummm... cold.

2009-12-04T06:54:00.000-08:00

woke up this morning, it was 50* in my apartment, and 24* outside... the high is supposed to be 29* today.

folks, what the heck have we gotten ourselves into? this is only the beginning!!!

oh man.

First Snow?

2009-12-03T16:47:00.000-08:00

today it snowed for the first time. it was beautiful, but bittersweet because i really wanted my first snow to be shared with pablo, who is actually out of the country currently. :( but, it's not cold enough for the snow to stick to the ground so i'm saying that we haven't had our first snow yet... hopefully it won't happen until sunday night when pablo gets back.

anyways, back it being beautiful, i have seen snow before, but i don't know that i have ever seen it fall. all i have to say is that individual snow flakes are as beautiful as little kids books make them out to be. they are absolutely enchanting.

so, i spent today (a random day that i had off from work) inside doing 3 loads of laundry, sewing my very own tree skirt (one of the fabrics being some of the leftover lace from my wedding dress), and sitting at my kitchen table looking out of the window at the snow flakes falling. it was a good day -- kind of lonely, but good.

i did have a delightful conversation with my dear friend emily engle -- it had been too long since i heard her voice. i had forgotten -- actually, that sounds awful, let's "say that it had not be at the forefront of my mind" -- how much i really do enjoy her. God really did give me a blessing by setting us up as roommates our freshman year.

well, i have made a lasagna, a salad and am starving so i shall leave you now.

i guess the winter is really here.... no turning back now.

Snuggie... Really Folks?

2009-12-02T11:00:00.000-08:00

ok, i must preface this post by saying my intention is not offend ANYONE, but i am going to be candid about my thoughts on the upcoming topic -- please read it with a grain of salt if your thoughts do not line up with mine.

it all began in california at the beginning of Oct. when i was visiting my sister in LA and we stepped in to Bed Bath & Beyond to pick up my sister's wedding gift -- that's when i saw it, the Snuggie. friends, what the heck is this?!!! it's a blanket with arms, i get it, but seriously?!! it's hideous! and have you seen those commercials??? let's not even talk about the grown white guy dancing in a blue one. actually, lets talk about -- it is outrageous, and not in a good way! aside from my disbelief at the commercails, my aversion towards the snuggie is this: its supposed to be a blanket with arms (some even come with pockets for the remote... we won't go there either), but it's more like a robe that doesn't open. why not just make a blanket with arms? none of this potato-sack-over-the-head-and-thru-the-arms crap. and the leopard print -- really?!

but, to top this all off, my wonderful friend, christina duncan (who had a front row ticket to my ranting about this a couple weekends ago), sent me an email this morning that took me to a whole new level of flabbergastedness (is that a word?). check out this new and improved version of the snuggie:

I literally burst (or actually i had to stifle it b/c i was at work) laughing at this -- part out of entertainment, but part out of, again, complete flabbergastedness.

i don't know if there is anymore to say about this... i just don't get it.

My New Best Friends

2009-10-23T08:06:00.000-07:00

i moved to Chicago and i became a hypocrite. Growing up in Arizona, i never knew they existed, and then i went to college and saw how they were being used, i swore i would never misuse them in that way. i mean, the way these girls used them was ridiculous, and i hated it. and now i am ashamed -- i have allowed personal comfort to compromise my integrity.

allow me to introduce to you the object of my hypocrisy: my knock-off ugg boots... my bearpaws!

if i may explain myself: my feet are cold here in Chicago, but with these on, they are toasty toasty warm. i swear, i only wear them because of this new climate i have been brought to -- and i WILL NOT ever wear them with a skirt, i promise!

It's Fall

2009-10-21T15:58:00.000-07:00

The leaves are changing colors, and it's absolutely gorgeous. I have heard about the fall colors all my life, and I have even had the pleasure to see the aspens change in Colorado on a few occasions, but this is a completely different gift than that. The colors that are created during this time of the year here are unbelievable! And, not only are the leaves changing colors, but they are falling off the trees (as I'm sure you could have guessed), and, as many know, I absolutely love to step on dried leaves. So, in short, this is utter heaven. So far, I have liked every season in this part of the country -- granted it has only been 2, and I'm sure the next one will be more than just a tough sell for me, but I'm very excited to experience my first snow. I mean, I have been the snow before, but I am excited to experience the wonder and the beauty of the first snow! :)

Oh! And, we are planning to go to an apple orchard and pick apples!! How fun and midwest-y does that sound?! :)

Happy Fall!

Paid Vacaction

2009-10-07T20:20:00.000-07:00

Man! the last 3 weeks have been a whirlwind!

I just got back this weekend from spending a weekend in Colorado for my older sister, Jessica's, wedding (which was absolutely breath-taking and so much fun. it was in the mountains with the aspens changing and snow on the mountain peaks. quite spectacular!), which was followed by 2 weeks in Santa Barbara, which, as weird as it sounds, was definitely like a paid vacation.

My previous employer, the dentist, flew me out there, rented me a car, and paid me for 2 weeks to train their new front office manager. it was awesome!! not only did i get paid to work, but i remembered how much i like these people and that place. Santa Barbara really is a special place.

so, i got to spend 2 weeks at my in-laws in Lompoc (which meant a 1 hour commute each way, but it was actually a wonderful drive), which i absolutely loved. i got to drive next to the ocean, spend my lunch hours next to the ocean, and on the weekend (at the same time that Pablo called me and said "feet are so cold") i got to suntan next to the ocean! i also got to go visit my brother and sister on the weekend in LA, go to a great bible study with my sister, and get to meet my sister's friends brand new baby. i also got to send some great time catching up with some friends that i hadn't heard from in a long time. and, one of the best things, after all these weeks of frustration and anger about not finding a job and feeling like total sh*t, i was reminded that i AM a great worker, and that i AM qualified, and that really do a good job at the things that i am given. it may sound lame, but i really did need to be reminded of this.

But, like all vacations (paid or not), after 2 weeks i was desperately missing home.

So, here i am back in my apartment, with my girls (Laila and Paisley), and my wonderful husband, all of whom i have missed terribly.

one thing that i was NOT quite expecting was the temperature. I literally left sunny California, where i was suntanning, and came to Chicago where it's in the low 30s when i get up and hits the mid 50s during the day. Needless to say, i am changing my closet over from summer clothes, to winter clothes (although, these need to be updated to "mid-west" weather appropriate items i believe).

Yesterday, Pablo and i bought our winter coats, some gloves, wool socks, and became members at REI. I also bought a pair of leather boots (which i need to still water proof, come to think of it), and bought Pablo and i some Bearpaw (Ugg nock-offs) for around the house (since we have to pay for our heat, we are going to go the "bundling-up" route).

so, there is a deluge of what has been going on for me the last few weeks.

i am sure glad to be home! but i really did love that paid vacation.

Now, I'm off to do some much-needed laundry.

Shadows on the wall

2009-08-20T23:08:00.000-07:00

a few nights ago i was on the phone really late with my friend asriel, and i was sitting in the kitchen because i didn't want to disturb my sleeping husband. as i sat at our table, with the lights off, i turned to one of the walls and my breath was taken away. on the wall, created by the yellow street light outside, was the most beautiful picture -- it was a delicate and very captivating composition of tree leaves and branches (from differing distances from the light source, thus appearing in different shades of gray on the wall), intersected by the shadow lines of our blinds that were open. i might not be describing it very well, but it was so beautiful, i not only had to get my sketchbook out and draw it, i had to wake pablo up when i finally got off the phone so that i could show it to him.

then, tonight i was almost asleep when i remembered that i needed to take some medicine. so, i get out of bed, get the meds, and went to the kitchen for some water, and there, once again (as i'm sure it is every night), is my beautiful shadow composition, but this time it is even more beautiful because this time, the leaves are moving ever-so-slightly in the breeze.

i stood there for a moment just taking it in. i had forgotten what it felt like to see something so beautiful that it just compelled me to create art! i love that the simple things, like shadows on my kitchen wall, make life so beautiful to me, and remind me that the Lord created me to enjoy them.

i like that i am remembering these type of things.

"Wherever you are is called Here"

2009-08-17T11:51:00.000-07:00

Lost

By David Wagoner

Stand still. The trees ahead and the bushed beside you

Are not lost. Wherever you are is called Here,

You must treat is as a powerful stranger

Must ask permission to know it and to be known.

The forest breathes. Listen. It answers,

I have made this place around you.

If you leave it, you may come back again, saying Here.

No two trees are the same to Raven.

No two branches the same to Wren.

If what a tree or bush does is lost on you,

You are surely lost.Stand still. The forest knows

Where you are. You must let it find you.

i feel a little lost lately. some of you will probably shrug at that and say, well you are in a brand new city... but it's more than that. i feel like i am forgetting pieces of me, and being in a different city only intensifies the feeling of being lost because my surroundings no longer help me to recall what i have forgotten. it's like i am recreating myself, but not sure what the pieces are, or how the fit together, or if they belong/are needed anymore.

like this poem, i am Here. i am in a strange place that was created for me, and yet i feel overwhelmed by the unfamiliarity of it all. i am overwhelmed by the unfamiliarity of myself. it says that i must stand still... that i must ask for permission to be known and to know... does this included being known by self? does letting it find me mean that in the process i am Found?

Wherever you are is called Here,

You must treat is as a powerful stranger

Must ask permission to know it and to be known...

Stand still. The forest knows

Where you are. You must let it find you.