My New Best Friends

i moved to Chicago and i became a hypocrite. Growing up in Arizona, i never knew they existed, and then i went to college and saw how they were being used, i swore i would never misuse them in that way. i mean, the way these girls used them was ridiculous, and i hated it. and now i am ashamed -- i have allowed personal comfort to compromise my integrity.

allow me to introduce to you the object of my hypocrisy: my knock-off ugg boots... my bearpaws!

if i may explain myself: my feet are cold here in Chicago, but with these on, they are toasty toasty warm. i swear, i only wear them because of this new climate i have been brought to -- and i WILL NOT ever wear them with a skirt, i promise!

It's Fall

The leaves are changing colors, and it's absolutely gorgeous. I have heard about the fall colors all my life, and I have even had the pleasure to see the aspens change in Colorado on a few occasions, but this is a completely different gift than that. The colors that are created during this time of the year here are unbelievable! And, not only are the leaves changing colors, but they are falling off the trees (as I'm sure you could have guessed), and, as many know, I absolutely love to step on dried leaves. So, in short, this is utter heaven. So far, I have liked every season in this part of the country -- granted it has only been 2, and I'm sure the next one will be more than just a tough sell for me, but I'm very excited to experience my first snow. I mean, I have been the snow before, but I am excited to experience the wonder and the beauty of the first snow! :)

Oh! And, we are planning to go to an apple orchard and pick apples!! How fun and midwest-y does that sound?! :)

Happy Fall!

Paid Vacaction

Man! the last 3 weeks have been a whirlwind!

I just got back this weekend from spending a weekend in Colorado for my older sister, Jessica's, wedding (which was absolutely breath-taking and so much fun. it was in the mountains with the aspens changing and snow on the mountain peaks. quite spectacular!), which was followed by 2 weeks in Santa Barbara, which, as weird as it sounds, was definitely like a paid vacation.

My previous employer, the dentist, flew me out there, rented me a car, and paid me for 2 weeks to train their new front office manager. it was awesome!! not only did i get paid to work, but i remembered how much i like these people and that place. Santa Barbara really is a special place.

so, i got to spend 2 weeks at my in-laws in Lompoc (which meant a 1 hour commute each way, but it was actually a wonderful drive), which i absolutely loved. i got to drive next to the ocean, spend my lunch hours next to the ocean, and on the weekend (at the same time that Pablo called me and said "feet are so cold") i got to suntan next to the ocean! i also got to go visit my brother and sister on the weekend in LA, go to a great bible study with my sister, and get to meet my sister's friends brand new baby. i also got to send some great time catching up with some friends that i hadn't heard from in a long time. and, one of the best things, after all these weeks of frustration and anger about not finding a job and feeling like total sh*t, i was reminded that i AM a great worker, and that i AM qualified, and that really do a good job at the things that i am given. it may sound lame, but i really did need to be reminded of this.

But, like all vacations (paid or not), after 2 weeks i was desperately missing home.

So, here i am back in my apartment, with my girls (Laila and Paisley), and my wonderful husband, all of whom i have missed terribly.

one thing that i was NOT quite expecting was the temperature. I literally left sunny California, where i was suntanning, and came to Chicago where it's in the low 30s when i get up and hits the mid 50s during the day. Needless to say, i am changing my closet over from summer clothes, to winter clothes (although, these need to be updated to "mid-west" weather appropriate items i believe).

Yesterday, Pablo and i bought our winter coats, some gloves, wool socks, and became members at REI. I also bought a pair of leather boots (which i need to still water proof, come to think of it), and bought Pablo and i some Bearpaw (Ugg nock-offs) for around the house (since we have to pay for our heat, we are going to go the "bundling-up" route).

so, there is a deluge of what has been going on for me the last few weeks.

i am sure glad to be home! but i really did love that paid vacation.

Now, I'm off to do some much-needed laundry.

Shadows on the wall

a few nights ago i was on the phone really late with my friend asriel, and i was sitting in the kitchen because i didn't want to disturb my sleeping husband. as i sat at our table, with the lights off, i turned to one of the walls and my breath was taken away. on the wall, created by the yellow street light outside, was the most beautiful picture -- it was a delicate and very captivating composition of tree leaves and branches (from differing distances from the light source, thus appearing in different shades of gray on the wall), intersected by the shadow lines of our blinds that were open. i might not be describing it very well, but it was so beautiful, i not only had to get my sketchbook out and draw it, i had to wake pablo up when i finally got off the phone so that i could show it to him. 

then, tonight i was almost asleep when i remembered that i needed to take some medicine. so, i get out of bed, get the meds, and went to the kitchen for some water, and there, once again (as i'm sure it is every night), is my beautiful shadow composition, but this time it is even more beautiful because this time, the leaves are moving ever-so-slightly in the breeze. 

i stood there for a moment just taking it in. i had forgotten what it felt like to see something so beautiful that it just compelled me to create art! i love that the simple things, like shadows on my kitchen wall, make life so beautiful to me, and remind me that the Lord created me to enjoy them.

i like that i am remembering these type of things.

"Wherever you are is called Here"

Lost 

By David Wagoner

Stand still. The trees ahead and the bushed beside you

Are not lost. Wherever you are is called Here,

You must treat is as a powerful stranger

Must ask permission to know it and to be known.

The forest breathes. Listen. It answers,

I have made this place around you.

If you leave it, you may come back again, saying Here.

No two trees are the same to Raven.

No two branches the same to Wren.

If what a tree or bush does is lost on you,

You are surely lost.Stand still. The forest knows 

Where you are. You must let it find you.

i feel a little lost lately. some of you will probably shrug at that and say, well you are in a brand new city... but it's more than that. i feel like i am forgetting pieces of me, and being in a different city only intensifies the feeling of being lost because my surroundings no longer help me to recall what i have forgotten. it's like i am recreating myself, but not sure what the pieces are, or how the fit together, or if they belong/are needed anymore.

like this poem, i am Here. i am in a strange place that was created for me, and yet i feel overwhelmed by the unfamiliarity of it all. i am overwhelmed by the unfamiliarity of myself. it says that i must stand still... that i must ask for permission to be known and to know... does this included being known by self? does letting it find me mean that in the process i am Found?

Wherever you are is called Here,

You must treat is as a powerful stranger

Must ask permission to know it and to be known...

Stand still. The forest knows 

Where you are. You must let it find you.