Growing Pains

Two things happened yesterday: 1. Pablo and I turned 3 years old, and 2. Levi slept from 9:30pm-5:30am (something he has done only a couple other times). Both of these things got me in a very sentimental mood and thinking about growing up.

For Levi, the growth is very tangible. I already miss his newborn cry, and the itty bitty diapers that were still too big for him when we brought him home from the hospital. I miss the different faces he made when he was asleep at the very beginning (don’t get me wrong, watching him sleep now is one of the most peaceful sights in life, but the change is very noticeable to me). And how about the fact that he has more than doubled in size! And while I am mourning the loss of these things and how my son is growing up so quickly, I know that before long he will outgrow his bouncy seat, or the baby bathtub, or will no longer need to wear clothing with snaps, or will no longer need me to nurse him (I think this day will truly break my heart). I know that as he grows, I will delight in every new development that each stage brings (like him discovering his hands, or learning to talk, or learning to draw), but with each new stage will there always be this sense of loss associated with the one he has just grown out of?

Similarly, Pablo and I have grown significantly in the last 3 years. Some of the signs of growth are more tangible than others: we no longer live in a studio apartment with no interior walls; we have moved all the way across the country and have begun to build a life here in the Midwest; we have a son – something that I never planned on having! But the real areas of change are far less tangible, and those are the areas of growth where the stretching has been most painful: learning how to fight fair (those first 6 months we did not fight fair!); figuring out how to communicate about sensitive things like how we both have hopes and dreams and they can’t always co-exist at the same time; sex – that’s a biggie; believing that God is on our side and is our Provider; figuring out what it means to have a job that is ministry and encroaches on our personal space, time, and finances; figuring out what aspects of each other’s culture we are going to make a part of our own culture, and what aspects we are choosing to eliminate…

The last 3 years, as well as the last 3 months (Levi turned 3 months old this past week), have been a time of intense refinement – sometimes more painful than others – but I guess it can just be summed up as growing pains. But, like missing Levi’s newborn cry even though I love the new stage of being able to make him laugh, I miss our studio apartment even though I love our house and all that it contains.

Cityscape

well, i finally did it...

last summer pablo and i took a spontaneous roadtrip to michigan one sunday and spent the day exploring. one of the highlights of the day was when we stumbled upon an open-air antique store on the side of a road. outside in the grass i found these awesome bricks that were actually made out of cork! we bough 11 of them and i knew exactly what i was going to do with.

as many of you know, life soon got every hectic and doing art went on the back burner. well, that was until last weekend when i finally completed the piece (thanks to some friends who helped hold various pieces as i went).

my i present my cityscape:

i love it!


and, while i am at it, i might as well upload 2 photos of my ridiculous kid. :)

Update

Hello Friends,

Well, I guess it is time for me to re-enter the world bit by bit, and today that means updating this blog.

Levi is 7 weeks old today, and the time as utterly just flown by. I go back to work in 2 weeks, and am not looking forward to it. I am so in love this beautiful boy that the desire of my heart is to just stay home, be his mom, be a wife, and work on my artwork. No such luck though.

In the last 7 weeks:
* we have had a steady flow of family members, which has been both a huge help but also a little stressful at times.
* Levi is now a completely different baby. He has put on 3 lbs, and is just about the most adorable porker ever.
* Levi follows objects with his eyes, is beginning to use his arms more intentionally (although he has not yet discovered that they actually belong to him), smiles all the time, interacts with people's facial expressions, and coo's and ahh's in response to prompting from Pablo and I. He is incredibly smart -- we know it! :)

As for me, I have committed to next summer setting up a booth at some summer arts and crafts fesitvals and selling things I have created. That means that I have 1 year to build up an inventory of a couple of products that I have come up with and am super excited about. Granted, as I have researched what it will take to make 1 of these ideas, it is definitely not as easy as I had thought, so there are some obstacles in my future that will need to be tackled, but as of right now, I am super excited about the possibility of selling things that I have created. I think it is a great goal for myself.

Well, that is about all that I have time/energy to do for now. I know that it is a little bland, but now that you are caught up, I will most likely post shorter but more interesting updates about the day-to-day happenings.

I know that Pablo and others have flooded facebook with an obnoxious number of photos of our son, but below are some of my favorites that I have had the pleasure of snapping with my phone.

Here he is sleeping with his Papa at only 2 weeks oldThe proud parents:


Here he is starting to smile -- don't worry, it is way cuter now, complete with a dimple on the right cheek, but I haven't caught it in a photo yet. Thanks to Luz for the onesie :)


Poor guy is starting to loose his hair... :) he's still pretty cute though.


I know this is kind of a random photo, but it shows you that while he does weigh 10 lbs and is already wearing his 3 month clothes, he is still so freaking tiny!!


More to come soon enough.
Anna

So... it has been forever since i have posted anything... i know... i know... but the truth is, i am so overwhelmed.

i cannot believe that i am going to be a mom in 3 weeks (or whenever he decides to arrive). i mean, this is, in some ways, bigger of an event than me getting married. i mean, it is so permanent -- i am going to give birth to someone, and he's not going anywhere. not that pablo is going anywhere either, but it just feels bigger. it's hard to put words to.

i'm struggling again with the fact that i don't like kids. i have been around some in the last couple of months and i just do not have an affinity towards them. i am sure that when i look at our little one my whole world will change and my not loving or liking him will be out of the question, but it is still a fear that i currently have been thinking about.

i'm overwhelmed by all the things that still need to get done before he arrives -- i mean, he's arriving even if everything is done or not, but i'm affraid that i'm not prepared at all.

i woke up 2 mornings ago and thought, "man, i cannot wait til i can go a whole night without getting up at least 3 times to pee"... then it occurred to me, "oh yah, the only way that is happening is if i have this baby, and then it will be years before i get to sleep through a whole night... i guess i have it ok right now." but seriously, sleeping is getting really hard, and my body has begun to hurts. and it makes me feel like a wuss.

you guys, i'm going to be a mom. he is going to fully depend on me. how did these 9 months fly by? i thought, by this time, i would be more mentally or emotionally prepared, but i feel like i'm back to square one.

don't get me wrong, i am excited about having a baby, i just cannot wrap my mind around how dramatically things are going to change. i mean, the other day pablo and i were hanging out alone together because a couple people we had asked to hang out with couldn't do it. at first i was lonely and upset, and then i just looked at him and said, "we won't ever get to just be together like this again." i mean, i am pregnant (sidenote: am reaching weights that i NEVER thought i would ever get to!!), and there is no other way for it to end, other than for me to have a baby in my arms in a matter of weeks.

ok, so this post sounds extremely depressing and not what a soon-to-be-mom should be writing, but hey, you all love me right? and you love me inspite of me being raw and vulnerable, right? i sure hope so. i mean, that's kind of what i am counting on...

so, to draw this to a close, i guess i would just ask that you would be praying for me, pablo and this baby. i am reading the book, "crazy love" by francis chan (who is my other love, aside from pablo, buffalo wings and coffee ice cream right now), and it is rocking my world. i feel so stressed about life and francis chan's words are really convicting me. please pray that during this time, and the time to come, that i would feel and experience the LORD's presence in some rock-my-world kind of ways. also, again this is a bit of vulnerability, please pray that the LORD would be faithful to provide for us financially -- some things have happened in the last week with our finances that have put some significant stress/strain on pablo and i, and i am feeling like the hits just keep coming and that the LORD has forgotten to provide for us. so, if you can pray for those, we would be immensely blessed.

ok, well, thank you for letting me spill my ugly guts to you.
i love each of you, and i cannot wait to see each of you, whenever you are able to make it out here after the arrival of my son!

Wonderful Gift

So, here is a little story for you guys, many of whom have never heard this part of the Bean's history.

At the beginning of July of this year my father and sister Sara came to visit Pablo and me. They stayed for about 4 days. The couple months before they came for their visit was a somewhat difficult time for Pablo and I -- we moved into our house and were pretty overwhelmed by all the work that we wanted to do on it, as well as it was a hot summer and Pablo's allergies were in full swing... anyways, it was a little bit of a tense time.

Anyways, one day I took my dad and sister to one of my favorite parts of Chicago, Wicker Park, and we walked around and went into shops, one being my favorite vintage store, Lenny and Me. While in Lenny and Me I came upon the most beautiful (although completely dilapidated) old fashion bassinet and I said, "I don't want kids ever, but if I had a bassinet like this, I might just want to get pregnant to put the baby in it." Needless to say my dad pulled out his phone and started taking photos of it saying, "well if this gets me a grandchild down the road, I'll make it for you."

Well, as the story unfolded, 2 days later I took a pregnancy test (actually I took 2), and sure enough, I was pregnant. (Side note: many of you know that at this point I was about 8 weeks pregnant, and that during the previous 2 months Pablo and I had fought more than our entire 2 years of marriage about if we would have children ever -- me being on the side of no. And sure enough, it was God's little secret that I was already pregnant!).

Anyways, we waited a couple more weeks before revealing the news to the family, and when we did finally tell my dad I made a joke that he needed to get working on that bassinet.

Well, sure enough, he did get working on it. My dad learned (well, he already "knew", but he definitely perfected his skill) how to weld, and set forth the task of welding The Bean's first bed. Needless to say, it is a work of art. He has done an amazing job, and this weekend it is coming to our home! Below is a photo of it that he sent me this morning. I start crying when I see it. It is so beautiful. And, oh man! The road that God has taken me/us on since that first weekend in July on the floor of our bathroom... This has been a wonderful beginning to what will most-assuredly be a wild ride.

weeks 22-24

Hello Hello!

Well the website that I have been referencing to find out the information on how our little baby is growing in comparison to produce really threw me for a loop the other week -- once you reach 22 weeks they only go by month, not week, for updates. I guess that is understandable given that basically everything is formed, now it just needs to gain a little more girth, if you will.

Anyways, I do have an updated for weeks 22-24 (we are currently 1/2 way through our 25th week): Supposedly this month, Month 5, Bean is the size of a papaya. This may very well be, but again, the selection of papaya at my grocery store leaves me to wonder... I mean, look at the size of the thing in the photo! It dwarfs my belly! And, my belly is getting big (more on this in a min).

Ok, so aside from being the size of a "papaya", here is what the Little One has been up to: The baby can now hear outside noise!! Can you believe it?!! (we bought some really good headphones so that when I am sitting and just reading or something the baby can be listening to Mozart and becoming a genius!) Also, nipples have sprouted!! I love it! I love that my baby has nipples right now! Also, that adorable little face that I will get to see in a couple months (holy crap! it's right around the corner!!) is fully formed. And one last thing, the Bean is now snoozing up to 14 hours a day -- which makes sense b/c before I could feel the baby move around every few hours, and now, not so much. But, we are starting to figure out the baby's sleep cycle, and it looks like we have a night owl (Pablo is already asking how we can change this :) ) -- between 7:30 and 8pm it is like a party in there! AND, the baby is getting big enough that you can see my actual belly move sometimes when there is big kick (of course, this is nothing compared to what is to come, but it's still a pretty big development). The baby is supposed to be between 10.5-11.8 in. long and 12.7-20.8 oz.... :)

On a couple of other notes, I am now officially looking for cute pregnancy clothes that are reasonably priced. Well, I should clarify that, I am shopping for tops (thanks to my sister sara, and the emptying of her closet into multiple care packages, I have several pairs of pants that I wear constantly and that fit my ever-expanding hips perfectly). My belly, while it is still on the small time (people are constantly reminding me of this and how I haven't even begun to experience The Belly), is already getting in the way -- bending over, putting on my shoes, getting in out of the car (this is the worst so far), all these things are becoming more and more difficult. In addition, the number of trips I take to the bathroom is becoming comical to the men at my work, as well as my husband.

We only have 3 more weeks in our Bradley Birth class (this class has been amazing! If you are planning on doing a natural child birth in the future, I DEFINITELY recommend this class while you are pregnant), and have begun to work on our Birth Plan, relaxation techniques, and birthing positions that will enable the baby to better "engage in my pelvis"... it is all very intense and overwhelming stuff, I assure you, but I am feeling more and more confident about it, especially with Pablo being so supportive.

Ok, well I think that is more than enough for a "brief" update on the growing family here in Chicago, IL. Love you all!