Shadows on the wall

a few nights ago i was on the phone really late with my friend asriel, and i was sitting in the kitchen because i didn't want to disturb my sleeping husband. as i sat at our table, with the lights off, i turned to one of the walls and my breath was taken away. on the wall, created by the yellow street light outside, was the most beautiful picture -- it was a delicate and very captivating composition of tree leaves and branches (from differing distances from the light source, thus appearing in different shades of gray on the wall), intersected by the shadow lines of our blinds that were open. i might not be describing it very well, but it was so beautiful, i not only had to get my sketchbook out and draw it, i had to wake pablo up when i finally got off the phone so that i could show it to him. 

then, tonight i was almost asleep when i remembered that i needed to take some medicine. so, i get out of bed, get the meds, and went to the kitchen for some water, and there, once again (as i'm sure it is every night), is my beautiful shadow composition, but this time it is even more beautiful because this time, the leaves are moving ever-so-slightly in the breeze. 

i stood there for a moment just taking it in. i had forgotten what it felt like to see something so beautiful that it just compelled me to create art! i love that the simple things, like shadows on my kitchen wall, make life so beautiful to me, and remind me that the Lord created me to enjoy them.

i like that i am remembering these type of things.

"Wherever you are is called Here"

Lost 

By David Wagoner

Stand still. The trees ahead and the bushed beside you

Are not lost. Wherever you are is called Here,

You must treat is as a powerful stranger

Must ask permission to know it and to be known.

The forest breathes. Listen. It answers,

I have made this place around you.

If you leave it, you may come back again, saying Here.

No two trees are the same to Raven.

No two branches the same to Wren.

If what a tree or bush does is lost on you,

You are surely lost.Stand still. The forest knows 

Where you are. You must let it find you.

i feel a little lost lately. some of you will probably shrug at that and say, well you are in a brand new city... but it's more than that. i feel like i am forgetting pieces of me, and being in a different city only intensifies the feeling of being lost because my surroundings no longer help me to recall what i have forgotten. it's like i am recreating myself, but not sure what the pieces are, or how the fit together, or if they belong/are needed anymore.

like this poem, i am Here. i am in a strange place that was created for me, and yet i feel overwhelmed by the unfamiliarity of it all. i am overwhelmed by the unfamiliarity of myself. it says that i must stand still... that i must ask for permission to be known and to know... does this included being known by self? does letting it find me mean that in the process i am Found?

Wherever you are is called Here,

You must treat is as a powerful stranger

Must ask permission to know it and to be known...

Stand still. The forest knows 

Where you are. You must let it find you.