Lost
By David Wagoner
Stand still. The trees ahead and the bushed beside you
Are not lost. Wherever you are is called Here,
You must treat is as a powerful stranger
Must ask permission to know it and to be known.
The forest breathes. Listen. It answers,
I have made this place around you.
If you leave it, you may come back again, saying Here.
No two trees are the same to Raven.
No two branches the same to Wren.
If what a tree or bush does is lost on you,
You are surely lost.Stand still. The forest knows
Where you are. You must let it find you.
i feel a little lost lately. some of you will probably shrug at that and say, well you are in a brand new city... but it's more than that. i feel like i am forgetting pieces of me, and being in a different city only intensifies the feeling of being lost because my surroundings no longer help me to recall what i have forgotten. it's like i am recreating myself, but not sure what the pieces are, or how the fit together, or if they belong/are needed anymore.
like this poem, i am Here. i am in a strange place that was created for me, and yet i feel overwhelmed by the unfamiliarity of it all. i am overwhelmed by the unfamiliarity of myself. it says that i must stand still... that i must ask for permission to be known and to know... does this included being known by self? does letting it find me mean that in the process i am Found?
You must treat is as a powerful stranger
Must ask permission to know it and to be known...
Stand still. The forest knows
Where you are. You must let it find you.
hmmm...you did a bunch of "identifying" in college, at westmont, and around santa barbara/san fran. i think we're similar in that we spent a lot of the last 6 years (especially the years in school) deciding who we wanted to be and discovering who we were created to be. That becomes a really profound chapter, and I think that it can be weird not living in that turbulence, especially after doing it for so long. In addition, who we are doesn't change with our surroundings, and while the precedent may seem set, you do not have to reinvent yourself in every chapter. You are beautiful anna, with lovely eyes, a long elegant body, and delicate hands. You appreciate the details if nothing else. And when you laugh really hard your eyes squnch up along with your nose, and your nostrils flare out-- sometimes you curl into the fetal position. I love the woman that you were, are, and will be, lost or not. :)
ReplyDeleteBut, I feel like i'm losing parts of you too. miss you.
dani
It's not just the disappearance of the "turbulence" of discovering who we are, but losing that really intentional lifestyle that comes with school. At least for us anj, we lived in and incredibly intense, relationally centered place. I you went from school into prep for marriage, another very intentional year, focused on looking at yourself and looking at how another person fits with you. Now, well it's just life. All that prep, and that getting ready and now here you are and...what? Now what? We've been preparing for life our whole lives, and I'm am with you on the whole disoriented factor. Remember when you were floating? I'm floating...maybe we should blog together. I'm want to write more but I need more thinking time to articulate...so more to come. Love you though, it's nice to feel along with you, nice to live together through our little white computers.
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