I miss my husband

As some of you know, my husband has been out of town for 2 weeks -- away on New Staff Training for Young Life. I have been gone from him (is that how you would word that statement? I don't know...) for 2 weeks -- when I was in Santa Barbara working in October -- but it felt nothing like this. Here are some reasons why I miss my husband so much:

1. making food for 1 person is really depressing (at least after being used to doing it for 2 people for a year and a half) and hard to do without wasting food
2. getting warm when I first get into bed is much harder
3. getting warm in the middle of the night is much harder
4. putting the last two factors together, that means I have put the heater up higher which means our gas bill will be higher
5. being a single parent sucks!!! Honestly, these girls are driving me crazy!!
6. The hour difference makes it really late for us to talk because when he is done with class or with playing in the ping pong competition or the basketball competition, I am already in bed which makes for some very quick and superficial conversations -- leaving me very unsatisfied!
7. I have to get up a good 20 to 25 min earlier because normally when Pablo is here, he takes care of taking the girls out to the bathroom, feeding them, and getting the car started to warm up, while I finish getting ready. Let me tell you, for those of you who know me, you know how I LOVE my sleep and how I am NOT a morning person, so this combination does not make me happy.
8. Curling up and watching TV before I go to bed just isn't as cozy and fun without him.

I know, I know, these all sound very superficial and selfish of me. I just really hate doing life without him like this. He is my favorite person to be around, and I love doing the daily meanial tasks with him.

I MISS HIM!!!!!!

Thank goodness he comes home tomorrow evening!

i'm not angry anymore!

the last few months have been pretty challenging for me -- emotionall, metally, and definitely spiritually. basically i have been really really angry with God.

i have been angry about so many things, but biggest of all was that i didn't feel like God cared about me -- not only did i feel like He wasn't listening to my prayers, but that He had forgotten about me all together.

then, as you have read in an earlier post, I heard (and more importantly i believed what i heard) that He had heard my heart's cry(ies). and even though that was a wonderful and completely uplifting and reguvinating day for me, my abilty to say "i am no longer angry" came a couple weeks later.

as some of you know, i am doing 2 beth moore bible studies (one with my church and the other with my sister and friend via skype). both are very challenging, and i feel the stings of my heart being stretch as i press deeper into him.

during one of my quite times with the bible study on faith/believing, i was filled so full with the knowledge that the LORD loves me, that it led me to have tears streaming down my face, and left me bubbling over wanting to tell pablo and the girls i do the study with, and you guys all about it.

it came from a verse in Psalm 139:17 (the whole chapter is wonderful, but primarily v. 13-17)
"How precious are your thoughts about me,
O, God.
They are innumerable."

friends, this verse was meant for me. not only did i need to know that He hadn't forgotten about me, but His thoughts about me are, in fact, innumerable! can you imagine!!!

and then beth moore wrote these words, "God... bid your heart to beat. For many days He alone know you existed. You were His secret." i read each of the phrases one tiny word at a time, and then i read them over and over again. i couldn't read them enough. i just let them soak in until i was waterlogged with them!

friends, i have never felt more loved by the LORD. as corny as it may sound, i still walk around smiling and almost crying at the thought that He bid my heart to beat; that i was, and still am, His secret.

so, i can say that i am no longer angry. i mean, afterall, i am His secret.