i'm not angry anymore!

the last few months have been pretty challenging for me -- emotionall, metally, and definitely spiritually. basically i have been really really angry with God.

i have been angry about so many things, but biggest of all was that i didn't feel like God cared about me -- not only did i feel like He wasn't listening to my prayers, but that He had forgotten about me all together.

then, as you have read in an earlier post, I heard (and more importantly i believed what i heard) that He had heard my heart's cry(ies). and even though that was a wonderful and completely uplifting and reguvinating day for me, my abilty to say "i am no longer angry" came a couple weeks later.

as some of you know, i am doing 2 beth moore bible studies (one with my church and the other with my sister and friend via skype). both are very challenging, and i feel the stings of my heart being stretch as i press deeper into him.

during one of my quite times with the bible study on faith/believing, i was filled so full with the knowledge that the LORD loves me, that it led me to have tears streaming down my face, and left me bubbling over wanting to tell pablo and the girls i do the study with, and you guys all about it.

it came from a verse in Psalm 139:17 (the whole chapter is wonderful, but primarily v. 13-17)
"How precious are your thoughts about me,
O, God.
They are innumerable."

friends, this verse was meant for me. not only did i need to know that He hadn't forgotten about me, but His thoughts about me are, in fact, innumerable! can you imagine!!!

and then beth moore wrote these words, "God... bid your heart to beat. For many days He alone know you existed. You were His secret." i read each of the phrases one tiny word at a time, and then i read them over and over again. i couldn't read them enough. i just let them soak in until i was waterlogged with them!

friends, i have never felt more loved by the LORD. as corny as it may sound, i still walk around smiling and almost crying at the thought that He bid my heart to beat; that i was, and still am, His secret.

so, i can say that i am no longer angry. i mean, afterall, i am His secret.