Winter!!!

I woke up this morning to it snowing -- I know that it has already snowed this winter, but nothing like this morning!

When I looked out my window, the roads hadn't even been driven on yet -- it was absolutely magical!

Driving to the Brown Line (the subway I take to work -- which isn't actually a subway b/c it is one of the few lines that is above ground in the city), I was constantly gasping at how beautiful the city looked with snow everywhere! It's like it gives the earth and trees and buildings natural highlights.

As corny as it may sound, I actually found myself saying that it gives new meaning to the song "Winter Wonderland" -- that is exactly how I felt this morning.

It finally feels like what I thought a snowy Christmas would feel/look like.

I will try to post some photos of it later -- and Pablo apparently filmed Paisley and Laila playing in it this moring, so I will try and figure out how to put that up here as well.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

Good Morning Anna!

pablo got home from honduras last night, and it is sooo good to have him home. and as a welcome home/good morning gift, we woke up to a beautiful blanket of snow!!! it is absolutely magical. :)

and, on top of that, pablo let paisely come and say good morning in the bed this morning (something he never never allows), and it was wonderful!

i'm so glad he is home.

Waiting

this morning i woke up and went to church, which, to be honest, was a miracle b/c i never go to church when pablo is gone, but today i went (partly b/c i didn't want to see that look he gives me when he asks, "did you go to church?"). anyways, i went to church. and i am so glad i did b/c the LORD met me there.

the worship was ok and the message was really good, but after the message is when i met GOD.

our pastor occasionally asks for people to come up and pray for those in the congregation who need it -- i never respond to this. sometimes i feel like it's a charade, other times i just don't want to get out of my seat, or for some other reason i don't get out of my seat. well, today he called up 4 people from the congregation that have the gift of prophetic prayer, and asked anyone from the congregation that wanted should come and have one of them pray for them. from that moment on my body was not my own.

my legs took me up to the front, and placed me in front of a man that i have not had the best first impression of, and he began to pray. friends, the first thing he said was "i am getting the feeling of waiting" and when he said this, i lost it. tears, that i had no idea were in the wings just started flowing -- i had zero control of them. and then he continued to pray how the LORD has heard my prayers, He has heard my heart, and soon He will answer them. when he said this, my shoulders just sagged out of sheer... relief i guess is the word. the man said so much more, but i can't really remember it all (even though i was thinking to myself 'remember this! remember this!').

i have felt such despair that the LORD has not been hearing the prayers of my heart, that He has not cared about me, that the answer to my prayer of 'when is it my turn to be alive' has gone completely and utterly unacknowledged. i have been feeling so alone, and forgotten by the LORD. and today He said He sees me, He has heard me, and He will answer me soon.

of course i am a little apprehensive of this word "soon" when it comes to the LORD -- we all know about how His definition for the word is not necessarily our own... but man does it feel good to know that He knows my heart, and that He cares about it.

so, i am continuing to wait on Him -- but with expectation now.

ummm... cold.

woke up this morning, it was 50* in my apartment, and 24* outside... the high is supposed to be 29* today.

folks, what the heck have we gotten ourselves into? this is only the beginning!!!

oh man.

First Snow?

today it snowed for the first time. it was beautiful, but bittersweet because i really wanted my first snow to be shared with pablo, who is actually out of the country currently. :( but, it's not cold enough for the snow to stick to the ground so i'm saying that we haven't had our first snow yet... hopefully it won't happen until sunday night when pablo gets back.

anyways, back it being beautiful, i have seen snow before, but i don't know that i have ever seen it fall. all i have to say is that individual snow flakes are as beautiful as little kids books make them out to be. they are absolutely enchanting.

so, i spent today (a random day that i had off from work) inside doing 3 loads of laundry, sewing my very own tree skirt (one of the fabrics being some of the leftover lace from my wedding dress), and sitting at my kitchen table looking out of the window at the snow flakes falling. it was a good day -- kind of lonely, but good.

i did have a delightful conversation with my dear friend emily engle -- it had been too long since i heard her voice. i had forgotten -- actually, that sounds awful, let's "say that it had not be at the forefront of my mind" -- how much i really do enjoy her. God really did give me a blessing by setting us up as roommates our freshman year.

well, i have made a lasagna, a salad and am starving so i shall leave you now.

i guess the winter is really here.... no turning back now.

Snuggie... Really Folks?

ok, i must preface this post by saying my intention is not offend ANYONE, but i am going to be candid about my thoughts on the upcoming topic -- please read it with a grain of salt if your thoughts do not line up with mine.

it all began in california at the beginning of Oct. when i was visiting my sister in LA and we stepped in to Bed Bath & Beyond to pick up my sister's wedding gift -- that's when i saw it, the Snuggie. friends, what the heck is this?!!! it's a blanket with arms, i get it, but seriously?!! it's hideous! and have you seen those commercials??? let's not even talk about the grown white guy dancing in a blue one. actually, lets talk about -- it is outrageous, and not in a good way! aside from my disbelief at the commercails, my aversion towards the snuggie is this: its supposed to be a blanket with arms (some even come with pockets for the remote... we won't go there either), but it's more like a robe that doesn't open. why not just make a blanket with arms? none of this potato-sack-over-the-head-and-thru-the-arms crap. and the leopard print -- really?!

but, to top this all off, my wonderful friend, christina duncan (who had a front row ticket to my ranting about this a couple weekends ago), sent me an email this morning that took me to a whole new level of flabbergastedness (is that a word?). check out this new and improved version of the snuggie:

I literally burst (or actually i had to stifle it b/c i was at work) laughing at this -- part out of entertainment, but part out of, again, complete flabbergastedness.

i don't know if there is anymore to say about this... i just don't get it.

My New Best Friends

i moved to Chicago and i became a hypocrite. Growing up in Arizona, i never knew they existed, and then i went to college and saw how they were being used, i swore i would never misuse them in that way. i mean, the way these girls used them was ridiculous, and i hated it. and now i am ashamed -- i have allowed personal comfort to compromise my integrity.

allow me to introduce to you the object of my hypocrisy: my knock-off ugg boots... my bearpaws!

if i may explain myself: my feet are cold here in Chicago, but with these on, they are toasty toasty warm. i swear, i only wear them because of this new climate i have been brought to -- and i WILL NOT ever wear them with a skirt, i promise!

It's Fall

The leaves are changing colors, and it's absolutely gorgeous. I have heard about the fall colors all my life, and I have even had the pleasure to see the aspens change in Colorado on a few occasions, but this is a completely different gift than that. The colors that are created during this time of the year here are unbelievable! And, not only are the leaves changing colors, but they are falling off the trees (as I'm sure you could have guessed), and, as many know, I absolutely love to step on dried leaves. So, in short, this is utter heaven. So far, I have liked every season in this part of the country -- granted it has only been 2, and I'm sure the next one will be more than just a tough sell for me, but I'm very excited to experience my first snow. I mean, I have been the snow before, but I am excited to experience the wonder and the beauty of the first snow! :)

Oh! And, we are planning to go to an apple orchard and pick apples!! How fun and midwest-y does that sound?! :)

Happy Fall!

Paid Vacaction

Man! the last 3 weeks have been a whirlwind!

I just got back this weekend from spending a weekend in Colorado for my older sister, Jessica's, wedding (which was absolutely breath-taking and so much fun. it was in the mountains with the aspens changing and snow on the mountain peaks. quite spectacular!), which was followed by 2 weeks in Santa Barbara, which, as weird as it sounds, was definitely like a paid vacation.

My previous employer, the dentist, flew me out there, rented me a car, and paid me for 2 weeks to train their new front office manager. it was awesome!! not only did i get paid to work, but i remembered how much i like these people and that place. Santa Barbara really is a special place.

so, i got to spend 2 weeks at my in-laws in Lompoc (which meant a 1 hour commute each way, but it was actually a wonderful drive), which i absolutely loved. i got to drive next to the ocean, spend my lunch hours next to the ocean, and on the weekend (at the same time that Pablo called me and said "feet are so cold") i got to suntan next to the ocean! i also got to go visit my brother and sister on the weekend in LA, go to a great bible study with my sister, and get to meet my sister's friends brand new baby. i also got to send some great time catching up with some friends that i hadn't heard from in a long time. and, one of the best things, after all these weeks of frustration and anger about not finding a job and feeling like total sh*t, i was reminded that i AM a great worker, and that i AM qualified, and that really do a good job at the things that i am given. it may sound lame, but i really did need to be reminded of this.

But, like all vacations (paid or not), after 2 weeks i was desperately missing home.

So, here i am back in my apartment, with my girls (Laila and Paisley), and my wonderful husband, all of whom i have missed terribly.

one thing that i was NOT quite expecting was the temperature. I literally left sunny California, where i was suntanning, and came to Chicago where it's in the low 30s when i get up and hits the mid 50s during the day. Needless to say, i am changing my closet over from summer clothes, to winter clothes (although, these need to be updated to "mid-west" weather appropriate items i believe).

Yesterday, Pablo and i bought our winter coats, some gloves, wool socks, and became members at REI. I also bought a pair of leather boots (which i need to still water proof, come to think of it), and bought Pablo and i some Bearpaw (Ugg nock-offs) for around the house (since we have to pay for our heat, we are going to go the "bundling-up" route).

so, there is a deluge of what has been going on for me the last few weeks.

i am sure glad to be home! but i really did love that paid vacation.

Now, I'm off to do some much-needed laundry.

Shadows on the wall

a few nights ago i was on the phone really late with my friend asriel, and i was sitting in the kitchen because i didn't want to disturb my sleeping husband. as i sat at our table, with the lights off, i turned to one of the walls and my breath was taken away. on the wall, created by the yellow street light outside, was the most beautiful picture -- it was a delicate and very captivating composition of tree leaves and branches (from differing distances from the light source, thus appearing in different shades of gray on the wall), intersected by the shadow lines of our blinds that were open. i might not be describing it very well, but it was so beautiful, i not only had to get my sketchbook out and draw it, i had to wake pablo up when i finally got off the phone so that i could show it to him. 

then, tonight i was almost asleep when i remembered that i needed to take some medicine. so, i get out of bed, get the meds, and went to the kitchen for some water, and there, once again (as i'm sure it is every night), is my beautiful shadow composition, but this time it is even more beautiful because this time, the leaves are moving ever-so-slightly in the breeze. 

i stood there for a moment just taking it in. i had forgotten what it felt like to see something so beautiful that it just compelled me to create art! i love that the simple things, like shadows on my kitchen wall, make life so beautiful to me, and remind me that the Lord created me to enjoy them.

i like that i am remembering these type of things.

"Wherever you are is called Here"

Lost 

By David Wagoner

Stand still. The trees ahead and the bushed beside you

Are not lost. Wherever you are is called Here,

You must treat is as a powerful stranger

Must ask permission to know it and to be known.

The forest breathes. Listen. It answers,

I have made this place around you.

If you leave it, you may come back again, saying Here.

No two trees are the same to Raven.

No two branches the same to Wren.

If what a tree or bush does is lost on you,

You are surely lost.Stand still. The forest knows 

Where you are. You must let it find you.

i feel a little lost lately. some of you will probably shrug at that and say, well you are in a brand new city... but it's more than that. i feel like i am forgetting pieces of me, and being in a different city only intensifies the feeling of being lost because my surroundings no longer help me to recall what i have forgotten. it's like i am recreating myself, but not sure what the pieces are, or how the fit together, or if they belong/are needed anymore.

like this poem, i am Here. i am in a strange place that was created for me, and yet i feel overwhelmed by the unfamiliarity of it all. i am overwhelmed by the unfamiliarity of myself. it says that i must stand still... that i must ask for permission to be known and to know... does this included being known by self? does letting it find me mean that in the process i am Found?

Wherever you are is called Here,

You must treat is as a powerful stranger

Must ask permission to know it and to be known...

Stand still. The forest knows 

Where you are. You must let it find you.